Have you come up with the perfect plan to get back together with your ex? Have you had a moment of clarity and you realize exactly what you need to do to get your ex back? There are many different methods that most of us think of in that moment of desperation. Usually, these plans are not unique and it's as if we all react in the same way after a breakup can come to the same conclusion as we grasp at straws to revive our dying relationship.
Once you're done reading over these common solutions to the problem of how to get back together with your ex, understand that your thoughts are very typical. Coming to the same conclusion as the rest of us is completely normal. In spite of this, also understand that rebuilding your relationship with the one you love isn't out of the question. This emotionally charged state that you are in is very normal and it is something that you must go through in order to heal and become whole again. It is one step in the pathway to rebuilding your life and getting to the place where you need to be when that chance to rekindle the love in your relationship comes to you. You will get that chance but first you must go through this emotional hell.
First, most of us come to the conclusion that the best way to get back together with our ex is to try talking things through. This is the typical advice given to us by therapists and counselors. We are encouraged to sit down and talk about the problems in the relationship. We can then understand each other and come to an understanding. We can solve the problems and get back together.
The only problem with this plan is that your ex has no desire to talk things through. The problems in the relationship were solved when your ex left you. As far as your ex is concerned there is nothing to discuss or talk about anymore. This might make you a little sad but it points out one very important point. Your ex needs to want to be in the relationship again before anything is going to happen. Making your ex fall in love with you and desire you needs to be your first step in getting back together with your ex.
Making changes in your life or promising to change the things that your ex complained about when they left you is another common solution that we all come up with. We feel that if our ex has given us reasons why they are leaving then we must simply change what they complained about and they will be happy with us again. We could all use some change in our life and we can see the logic behind why our ex left so we decide to take our ex's words to heart.
The real reason why your ex left probably has nothing to do with the reasons that they gave you. Your bad habits or areas in your life where you may be found lacking are simply an excuse. Their complaints about you are simply a smoke screen that hides the true reason which is probably a lack of respect or a shift in the power dynamic in your relationship. Offering to change only further shifts the power and makes you appear weak and needy. Any changes that you make or offer to make will also be tainted with what your ex perceives as a desire to do anything to get them back. This will boost your ex's ego and lower your value as a romantic partner and you will be rejected again.
Next, you might be thinking that if you were just good enough and kind enough to your ex that they will fall in love with you again. Maybe you have thought of courting your ex again. You would buy them gifts, write your ex poetry and do crazy romantic things to win your ex's heart. After all, that love must be buried just beneath the surface and all it's going to take is being nice. You can be the perfect partner and everyone will tell your ex how awesome you are. You're a better partner than all of your ex's friend's significant others, right?
While this sort of plan always works in the movies, life isn't a movie. This plan almost always backfires and it very well might make your ex angry. Your ex might look at your continued contact as harassment and you very well could wind up with a restraining order to deal with for your trouble. Your ex will probably think that you've gone a little crazy, if nothing else, and they will grow even more distant. Save these kinds of romantic gestures for after you have gotten back together. They will be appreciated much more then and help solidify your relationship once your ex is in love with you again.
As you can see, without your ex's desire to continue with the relationship, none of these methods will bring you success. It's only when your ex misses you, realizes that they love you that anything that you might do will make a difference in your relationship. Of course, it is true that there must be some love left in your ex's heart for you. To deny that would be impossible. Trying to convince your ex that they still love you is fruitless also. It has to be your ex's choice to come to that conclusion on their own.
Given some time, space and understanding, your ex will realize that they do still love you. Don't worry. Relationships and matters of the heart are strange. Your ex very well might appear to feel nothing for you one day and then be overwhelmed with passion for you the next day. Trust that this day will come. Understand your ex's point of view and love them from afar for the moment. Your day is coming. You can and will get your ex back if you are patient and understand what your ex is going through at the moment.
Once you're done reading over these common solutions to the problem of how to get back together with your ex, understand that your thoughts are very typical. Coming to the same conclusion as the rest of us is completely normal. In spite of this, also understand that rebuilding your relationship with the one you love isn't out of the question. This emotionally charged state that you are in is very normal and it is something that you must go through in order to heal and become whole again. It is one step in the pathway to rebuilding your life and getting to the place where you need to be when that chance to rekindle the love in your relationship comes to you. You will get that chance but first you must go through this emotional hell.
First, most of us come to the conclusion that the best way to get back together with our ex is to try talking things through. This is the typical advice given to us by therapists and counselors. We are encouraged to sit down and talk about the problems in the relationship. We can then understand each other and come to an understanding. We can solve the problems and get back together.
The only problem with this plan is that your ex has no desire to talk things through. The problems in the relationship were solved when your ex left you. As far as your ex is concerned there is nothing to discuss or talk about anymore. This might make you a little sad but it points out one very important point. Your ex needs to want to be in the relationship again before anything is going to happen. Making your ex fall in love with you and desire you needs to be your first step in getting back together with your ex.
Making changes in your life or promising to change the things that your ex complained about when they left you is another common solution that we all come up with. We feel that if our ex has given us reasons why they are leaving then we must simply change what they complained about and they will be happy with us again. We could all use some change in our life and we can see the logic behind why our ex left so we decide to take our ex's words to heart.
The real reason why your ex left probably has nothing to do with the reasons that they gave you. Your bad habits or areas in your life where you may be found lacking are simply an excuse. Their complaints about you are simply a smoke screen that hides the true reason which is probably a lack of respect or a shift in the power dynamic in your relationship. Offering to change only further shifts the power and makes you appear weak and needy. Any changes that you make or offer to make will also be tainted with what your ex perceives as a desire to do anything to get them back. This will boost your ex's ego and lower your value as a romantic partner and you will be rejected again.
Next, you might be thinking that if you were just good enough and kind enough to your ex that they will fall in love with you again. Maybe you have thought of courting your ex again. You would buy them gifts, write your ex poetry and do crazy romantic things to win your ex's heart. After all, that love must be buried just beneath the surface and all it's going to take is being nice. You can be the perfect partner and everyone will tell your ex how awesome you are. You're a better partner than all of your ex's friend's significant others, right?
While this sort of plan always works in the movies, life isn't a movie. This plan almost always backfires and it very well might make your ex angry. Your ex might look at your continued contact as harassment and you very well could wind up with a restraining order to deal with for your trouble. Your ex will probably think that you've gone a little crazy, if nothing else, and they will grow even more distant. Save these kinds of romantic gestures for after you have gotten back together. They will be appreciated much more then and help solidify your relationship once your ex is in love with you again.
As you can see, without your ex's desire to continue with the relationship, none of these methods will bring you success. It's only when your ex misses you, realizes that they love you that anything that you might do will make a difference in your relationship. Of course, it is true that there must be some love left in your ex's heart for you. To deny that would be impossible. Trying to convince your ex that they still love you is fruitless also. It has to be your ex's choice to come to that conclusion on their own.
Given some time, space and understanding, your ex will realize that they do still love you. Don't worry. Relationships and matters of the heart are strange. Your ex very well might appear to feel nothing for you one day and then be overwhelmed with passion for you the next day. Trust that this day will come. Understand your ex's point of view and love them from afar for the moment. Your day is coming. You can and will get your ex back if you are patient and understand what your ex is going through at the moment.
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