How to Make Someone Fall Back in Love With You

If you've found this article, I have to assume that your relationship has either broken up or you feel it is heading that way and you want to stop this trend before the phrase "divorce" or "break up" is mentioned. The good news is that since you're researching how to improve your relationship and regain the spark, you've already shown the initiative you need to save the relationship (relationships can be saved when only one person in interested in saving it).

This article is based on my own experience and endless research I conducted when I was able to save my own marriage. I know first hand that getting someone to fall back in love with you is possible. It just requires a series of small, calculated steps designed to elicit positive feelings about you from your spouse to restore the initial feelings that attracted him or her to you in the first place.

Why People "Fall Out Of Love": There are many reasons for this. Although most people feel that partners, boyfriends, girlfriends and spouses fall out of love because of infidelity or someone else, (or external circumstances that drive your loved one away), this is rarely true. Although cheating and other things can be a symptom of losing intimacy, they are often not the cause. More often than not, the cause of falling out of love is the loss of the feelings that you elicit in your loved one about themselves. Yes, you read that right. Themselves. I know that you may think it's all about you, but usually it is really all about them.

When people first fall in love, it's because they are flooded with positive feelings when they are around you. This makes them feel attractive, competent, desirable, unique, and compelling. Let's be honest. When you were first courting your girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife, you probably lavished the same attention and affection that they used to lavish on you. The result was that the strength and intensity of the relationship reflected the time and effort you put into it.

Inevitably, over time though, you needed to again pay attention to your job, your other friends, and the obligations that life requires of you. It's perfectly natural to eventually devote less time to a relationship as it becomes stronger and longer lasting. Almost everyone does this, but over time, this can leave your relationship vulnerable. Eventually, this lack of time and effort can cause your loved one to feel (sometimes unconsciously) let down, disappointed, and neglected. The good feelings about themselves that you used to bring out in them are now gone and they don't like this void. Eventually, the feelings and emotions your loved one feels when he is around you are more negative than positive. Over time, feeling more negative feelings and less positive ones contribute to someone "falling out of love."

How To Get The Original Feelings Back: The course of action you need to take the get the feelings to return will depend greatly on the state and status of your relationship right now. If you're already broken up and your loved one is not receptive to you, this process will require more steps, but it is by no means impossible. If you're still in the relationship, you'll have an easier time because you have a more captive audience.

Your goal is, step by step, and over time to restore the positive feelings your partner used to associate with you and therefore themselves. The catch is that you can't be overtly obvious about this. If anything you're doing comes off as game playing or fake, your partner is going to just be less receptive to you than before.
In order to do this, you can not put pressure on your partner because this will bring out negative feelings. This means you shouldn't beg, repeatedly question, debate with, push their buttons, follow or initiate continuous conversation with them, or flood their inbox with emails or their phone with text messages.

You need to change your tact to become someone who is light hearted, fun, intriguing, and a reflection of the person they first fell in love with.

Once you've presented this person in a believable way and your partner is receptive to you and the positive feelings have returned, you can then work on addressing the problems that contributed to or the symptoms of "falling out of love." However, you shouldn't attempt to do this until you're absolutely sure you're back on solid ground. If you move too early, this could drive them further away.

Teen Relationships

Teen relationships are common in today's world. Adolescence is the most important stage for youngsters to make their future colorful and to become responsible citizens in society. It is also an age where most teens are attracted to various relationships. Most people consider the word 'relationship' as love or sexual relationship. But a relationship simply means any connection between two or more elements, such as human beings. Teen relationships can be of many types ? between teens of the same gender, between teens of the opposite gender, and the one linking teens and other persons of the same or different gender and age. Teen relationships give youngsters a chance to know and experience realities of life for the first time.

Teen relations can vary into different kinds, but broadly come under two categories, teen friendships and teen love relationships. A teenage friendship can be developed with anyone, no matter what the gender or age. Teenage friendships have given way to many successful love relationships. Teen love relationships contain more mutual expectations and more intimate emotions. They can go further into marriage and can be long lasting companionships in many cases. But one who goes into a teen love or sexual relationship should be aware about legally defined limitations.

One of the large scale problems that occur in teen relationships is violence. It results in long term trauma and psychological damage. Various teen relationships have ended up in abusive relationships, leading to domestic violence. One of the major factors that occur in such relationships is bullying, including playground bullying, sexual harassment, gang attacks, dating violence and elder abuse. Many teen relationships have finally landed up in juvenile courts. Today, there are privately and publicly funded programs across the United States that educate the public about teen relationships. This is to ensure that relationship abuse does not reach criminal justice agencies.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kent_Pinkerton

Is Love A Relationship?

I have no idea what 'love' is, and I don't think I can ever get anywhere close to knowing it, for it's difficult to comprehend anything that means so many different things to so many different people. All that one can do is speculate about what it can possibly be.

When does an intense liking for something become capable of being described as 'love' is completely beyond me. How is 'love' different from an intense liking for someone combined with an addiction-like longing for the person? The nagging desire to have the person around all the time is considered 'love', and then comes a time when one doesn't want his or her 'love' around as much as before. The other party complains of neglect, the fights start and the lovers start liking each other less and less progressively. This kind of getting-used-to spoils the broth that love is. So, does love last only as long as the freshness lasts, after which one starts looking for something else to love? Is love just about the novelty?

Most of the lovers of 'love' would denounce such crass ideas about something as 'great' and 'divine' as 'love'. But in the real world that's precisely what happens and it's called 'love'. Yes, one can always say it's not 'love' or is not 'true love', in which case there have to be two kinds of 'love' -- 'true love' and 'worldly/untrue love'. Or, may be, 'divine love' and 'physical love' are the two kinds of distinct 'loves'. But that doesn't solve anything for to say that 'physical love' is different from 'divine love' might mean that there is nothing divine about physical love, in which case one might be implying that nothing reproductive is divine. So, how does divine sanction of marriages work? Marriages are considered God-endorsed by all such religions that believe in God. And if there is something divine about 'physical love', how can it be excluded from the category of 'divine love' or 'spiritual love' unless one wishes to say that 'spiritual love' refers to the love between the spirits presupposing that spirits are capable of such a thing.

Therefore, if 'love' is a completely human thing it has to be something like other such things within the same range of things. So, if 'love' is a feeling, it must have something in common with other feelings like jealousy, hatred, disgust and so on. If it's a relationship, it has to be, in some respect, similar to other human relationships such as marriage, brother-sister, mother-daughter, father-son relationships. If it is found in all relationships, all relationships must have at least one thing common. What is such a thing? If love is that thing, how and in what does it manifest itself? Is 'mutual care' essential aspect of all relationships? What happens when two brothers become sworn enemies? There is no 'care' and there is no 'love', but there is still a relationship because nothing changes the fact that they are brothers, for the relationship stands independent of their inter-personal equation.

Does 'love', on its own, give rise to a relationship that is capable of existing independent of 'care' itself? Can one say that two people do not care about each other, but they are still in 'love'? No, that cannot be said. So, 'love' does not give rise to any such relationship, let alone being such a relationship all by itself.
Is it a relationship like marriage? But marriages can and have been known to go on without love or care. So, 'love' does not bring about a relationship in the nature of marriage either.

It's reasonable to conclude that it is unlike any relationship, and for that reason it is not a 'relationship' because all such things that fall in the same category have something in common. In absence of commonality it cannot be said that two things fall in the same category. So, 'love' is not a relationship. And if one insists that it is a relationship, the term 'relationship' and the concept that it encapsulates has to be remodeled so as to make 'love' fit into it. But then again, love would not be a 'relationship' in the general sense of the term and the term itself acquires a new unique meaning unknown before, which also means that it becomes a term in need of a fresh definition for the purpose of its application to 'love'. So, to put it more simply, if love is to be defined in terms of relationship, the term 'relationship' has to be redefined. Love changes everything it touches, literally. Not always for the better though.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=HemRaj_Singh

Love Yourself So You Can Love Others

It is easy for some people to feel frustrated when loving but not being loved in return. They feel empty once their love is not reciprocated because they are expecting other people to fill that emptiness. However, this is not how life works. They should not depend on love from an external source. Instead, love should begin from within them. They should learn how to love themselves first and gain self-respect. In doing so, they will have love that they can share with others. Here are some ways on how to love yourself.

- Appreciate the things that you have.

Blessings come in different forms such as good health, material wealth, and happy relationships. People should not compare what they have with what others possess. Instead, they should appreciate the blessings that come their way.

- Always look on the bright side.

Everyone has his or her ups and downs. Everything happens for a reason. People who do not get what they want should think of it this way: Something better is in store for them.

- Let go of the past.

Most people have difficulty in letting go of the past. This holds them back from moving on and achieving the goals they want to pursue. The first step to letting go is accepting everything that has happened, both the good and the bad. Everyone deserves a fresh start. After acknowledging all the grief and disappointments, they should work hard at putting the past behind them.

- Learn how to forgive yourself.

It is just natural for people to make mistakes, and instead of feeling bad about what they did, they should learn how to forgive themselves. The best thing people can do is learn from their mistakes and find ways to prevent them from happening again.

- Do things that make you happy.

Some people, by nature, want to make other people happy. Parents buy toys for their kids. Wives serve their husbands. Employees accomplish their tasks to please their boss. For a change, people should do something for themselves like going shopping, watching a movie, or enrolling in a dance class. This way they will feel some sense of fulfillment and self-love.

- Be physically active.

Some people will be surprised to know what some forms of exercise can do for them. It may be walking with the dog, playing badminton, dancing with friends or swimming. Exercise allows the body to release chemicals that boost a person's sense of well-being and reduce stress and anxiety. In short, it makes him or her feel happy and energized.

- Be true to yourself.

People should not try to be who they are not. They have their own unique qualities that make them special. So, they should not be afraid of how others perceive them. By being happy with who they really are, they show a positive aura, and exude confidence that attracts others towards them.

- Do deeds of kindness.

Share what you have with others, whether it is your knowledge, service, or something material. Doing deeds such as donating to charity, sharing one's ideas with others, or helping at a church makes a person feel good inside.

Overview

People do not have to go on yearning for others to fill the void in their lives. By having a "love yourself first" attitude, they will be able to develop love in their lives and share this with others.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Cassie_Parks

Emotional Intimacy And Its Importance In A Lasting Relationship

One of the major factors for a successful and a truly loving romantic relationship is intimacy. When you hear the word, the image that usually comes to mind is physical intimacy. Yes, although passion and physical touch is indeed one of the major factors of a successful relationship, emotional intimacy takes more than just being physically involved with your partner.

When you first started to get to know each other, how did you become close? Aside from the physical, what made you feel close and secure with that person? It's usually the conversations and the private talks you had that made you form that attachment. That was the moment when you realized that this person is important and special to you, since he or she made you feel emotionally secure.

But when you're in a marriage or a long-term relationship, you sometimes forget about this. You take your partner for granted because of those feelings of security. Just because you've already established emotional intimacy during your courtship stage, it doesn't mean it ends there. There are three factors in a successful relationship: intimacy, passion, and commitment. If any of these are lacking, trouble and problems may arise. So emotional intimacy is something that should be present whether you're just starting out your relationship or even when you're married with children. So how do you do this?

First is to define what emotional intimacy really is. You feel emotionally intimate with someone when you share your thoughts and feelings without fear of being judged or rejected. It is the total acceptance of who you are by the person with whom you're sharing your emotions with. You feel a sense of peace and security that the person accepts you and that he or she is someone you can run to when you are in emotional distress. But another important factor is that for you to completely achieve emotional intimacy, you have to accept yourself, too.

Here are some things that you can do to regain that emotional intimacy with your loved one. First is spend quality time together. When you do this, make time to talk about your feelings. Do not think about the house, or your work or responsibilities. Take this time to express the things that you've always wanted to talk to your partner about. Second is to listen actively. Emotional intimacy is not a one-way street. Allow your partner to share his own thoughts, too. Third, when you respond, be sincere and transparent without hurting the other person's feelings. Remember, emotional intimacy is about acceptance, so do not judge. And fourth, accept the person for who he or she is, despite their flaws and weaknesses.

Emotional Intimacy is one of the best gifts you can give to yourself and your partner. So if your relationship is lacking in this area, then it is time for you to make an effort to work on it.

                The Ingredients Of A Happy Relationship

The divorce rate in America is statistically very high. In fact, the United States has the highest number of divorced people in the entire world. About five people in every thousand are divorced.
In today's world, instead of working out a relationship, people would rather give up and move on to the next person that comes along. People are so busy with their careers in this fast paced world that they often forget that money is not the most important thing, but it's actually the people that we love.

So if you're married or in a relationship, what can you do to make it last? There are no simple answers to what makes up a happy marriage simply because all couples are unique. The dynamics of a couple can only exist and understood by the very people involved in it. But, there are general factors that contribute to a healthy and happy relationship. A happy marriage is just like a recipe for food. You need to have the right ingredients in the right amount so you can come up with the right results. So here are some tip to help you to have that happy relationship.

First, and most of the time overlooked, is making small gestures. Yes, small gestures like running your partner a warm bath after they've had a bad day at work, lending them your coat when they are cold, or making them their favorite dish on an ordinary day. These gestures show that even when they don't ask, you're thinking of them. Sometimes, when you're in a long term relationship, you forget that even though you've been together for a while, being wooed is still something that your partner needs.

Second, engage in novel and exciting activities every now and then. It has been shown that couples that are happy tend to take part in activities that involve both partners. So go on a weekend vacation, take dance lessons, play sports, and attend parties together. The more you spend leisure time together, the less likely you are to neglect your partner and be exposed to temptation.

Third, instill a sense of self. It's so easy to get lost in your partner's world when you are deeply in love with the person. You can sometimes lose who you are and adapt your life around your partner. It's very important to keep parts of your lives separate. Even if you spend most of the time together, spend at least one day with your friends or your other family members. Do an activity that you enjoy doing alone. Loving yourself despite being in a loving relationship can be one of the best gifts you can give to your relationship.

If you think you lack one or two of these ingredients, do not worry because you can still do something about it. If you're too busy to spend time together or cook his or her favorite dish, then make time. Has it been months since you had a good talk with your friends? Then call them up today and set up a date. The main key to a happy marriage or relationship is working at it.

              Simple Relationship Advice For A Lifetime

If you do a search online for the term relationship advice, you will be hit with a flood of different options that all seem feasible but will often have mixed results. To avoid the issues that come with this, it is important to look into a variety of things that will help you move forward with any relationship the easy way.
There are some very distinct options that you can utilize in today's modern times to ensure that what you're doing keeps you on a good path towards improving the life that you and your loved one have. The following is simple advice that you can take with you, try today and the rest of your life and will be favorable overall.
First and foremost, you will need to always be working on your appearance.

This is something that most people don't think about. Sometimes it's easier to just get into a routine than it is to continually hit the gym and work on the body, make up, hair, and more. Looking good is going to not only keep him interested, but it will make you feel your best as well. You need to feel good about yourself or else things get a little rocky.
The next thing that you need to work on always is the way you argue. Arguing is a natural part of any relationship, but dealing with the issues that can sometimes get bottled up should not be reason to get into serious scuffles over things. Talking things out and making sure that everything is fine before the argument is over, is a good tactic. Often times, working things out requires compromise, and not just one party being right all the time. Make sure that you employ a bit of grace and do not get into screaming matches, or ridicule each other with name calling, as that will not end well.

One great tip that you can utilize for a great number of years is simply to make sure that you have at least one night a week as a designated date night. Whether you go for a stroll in the park, or you have a nice dinner and movie experience, seek out options that will allow you to enjoy a little bit of time together alone in a "date" setting. Often times, routine can kill the romance between a couple, and that's no fun, so make sure that you're seeking ways of making things more lively and enjoyable, by going out.

The above things are important to help you move forward in any relationship. One thing that you should always remember about relationship advice is that it's not always universal. You know yourself and your partner, so make sure that you pay close attention to what's going on and don't assume anything without talking it out. Communication is key to establishing a lifetime of romance and keeping together through thick and thin. If you work as a team on a regular basis, you will find greatness finds you wherever you may be.

         What Is the Different Between Romance and Passion?

If you have never been in love before, you probably have no idea what you are missing, in fact, most of us go through life experiencing at least one relationship that can be considered as serious. These relationships usually make us very happy, so we have absolutely no desire to see them end. Unfortunately, we ourselves could end up derailing the relationship, without even knowing that we are doing it. If we only knew how important these relationships really were, we would work harder at keeping them together.

When the relationship ends, we begin looking for a meaningful replacement, in most cases we end up finding one that is full of passion, which overwhelms us so much that we focus on spending the rest of our lives with that person. We think that marriage will make us happier, only to realise that being passionate is not the same as being romantic.

As important as romance is to us, you would think that we would be working harder at succeeding, the problem is that we have a difficult time making a judgment call on which feeling we are actually encountering. When nothing else in the universe matters but that special someone and the only time that you feel a connection is when you are with them, that is when you know that your emotion is one of being loved.
There are times when being loved can be confused with passion and for the most part, both instances can make us extremely happy, unfortunately being passionate with someone is not a feeling that will be around for the rest of our lives, not by itself anyway. When we are passionate with someone, the burning desire to be with them forever is also there, but there is a subtle difference that becomes very clear, after being together for a while.

It is said that true love can withstand the test of time, which means that both parties are willing to stick with each other, in good and bad times. If your relationship is built due to a passionate encounter, that option will not be there, in fact it only takes a few bad days to call the whole thing off, which is probably why so many relationships suffer today.

And finally, it is unfortunate that there is such confusion between the different stages of romance, as much as we thrive on it. It is important when your significant other inspires you to improve, but there are other things that may be just as important, like the fact that you can laugh at each-others jokes, no matter how many times you heard them, enjoy doing many of the same things and are happy to sit quietly together in the same room and do nothing.

       Ways to Improve the Romance In Your Relationship

Many relationships fail because of the lack of intimacy. Women see romantic movies and envision that their significant other will woo them in the same way. Couples tend to become estranged when one partner begins to feel unappreciated and unloved. Here are some ways to improve the romance in your relationship.

Do Not Treat Romance as a Chore
Many people treat the topic of passion as a chore and this can be incredibly problematic to deal with. People need to view their partner as someone they want to impress on a daily basis. However, romantic gestures should not seem scheduled because spur of the moment gestures go over much better.

Turn Every Day Tasks into Golden Opportunities for Fun
Some people feel as though their lives are dull. They run errands, care for children, go to work and are exhausted at the end of the day. Couples can take these tasks and make them fun and romantic. One great example is to turn a simple dinner into a candlelit dinner with soft music.

Utilize Technology as an Ally
Most people live with their laptops or smart phones by their side. One great way to show affection is to send poems by email or text and then enclose some personal sentiments. This will put a smile on anyone's face as soon as they open it. It takes just a few minutes to put someone in a good mood and they will appreciate it.

Send Flowers or Candy to Show Love
The work day can put a lot of strain on people. Often people take their work stress home with them which can hurt their relationships. Sending flowers or candy to a loved one at work allows them to feel special. It can be hard for people to feel like they want to make time for intimacy if they have just been in a hectic work place for eight hours or more.

Be Thoughtful
Couples often can be selfish and think only of themselves which can lead to hurt feelings and conflict. One idea to enhance a relationship is for people to take turns choosing activities that they want to do together. This helps to increase the amount of quality time that is spent together and each person can explore their own interests and have fun doing what they like. Having common interests can actually draw individuals closer so that they are more loving towards each other.

Passion is something that can seem tough to improve however it really is not that difficult to work on if people commit to the cause. When people are in love they need to make time for each other or sadly the relationship will not be a long lasting one

                            Love and Trust

Everyone suffers from insecurity, self-doubt, fear of being controlled or cheated on, of missing out on their share of love, passion, money and possessions. Far from always being the self-possessed person we often see, like us they have many things going on under the surface. The best way to deal with these fears and doubts is through the practice of self-compassion, compassion and acceptance.

We need to trust that others are doing the best they know how to do based upon the knowledge they have and how they see the world, the same as we are. If we truly accept and love ourselves, it will have a flow-on effect to others. This not only benefits others and our interactions with them, but also ourselves. We can save ourselves a lot of pain, envy and the feeling of not being as good as everyone else by learning to love them as well as ourselves.

When we decide to look for the best in others and at the same time avoid victim-hood, this frees us and the other person from an endless round of recriminations, competition and lack. We can be grateful for their good qualities and see them worthy of love and respect. The practice of empathy can give us a wisdom that helps us all in our daily lives.

You may find they are entrenched in their point of view and it doesn't mesh with yours and this is causing problems and they are unwilling to meet you halfway. In this case, its OK to release them with love and best wishes and get on with your life with no hard feelings. After all we don't have to be right all the time and sometimes we may not even be right, we just have what we know in the moment.

We learn to love and accept and even to let go when it's needed by the practice of mindfulness and non-attachment. We learn to live in and enjoy the moment and not to see others as impacting on us in any great way. We feel love and acceptance but don't have to control people or situations or entice others to our ways and point of view. We give ourselves and others permission to be who we are, believe what we believe and do what we do. While it is easy to do this, it's not instant.

It takes daily practice to forgive ourselves, forgive others and accept that we are all a part of a larger world, and that to hurt ourselves or others has a lasting effect. If we trip up, we accept we are only human and return to our practice. Loving, forgiving and accepting has a far greater effect on your life than control and vengeance, and this effect is of achieving peace and harmony. This frees up our energy for pursuing the things that really matter to us.

Relationship Problems - Five Problems Ordinary Men Face That Exceptional Men Avoid

Nothing shameful about being an ordinary man. We all start out there. The problem with being an ordinary man is that it's a lot of work. You face the same Groundhog's Day problems over and over again. It's tough. And monotonous. And there's not a lot of perks.

In this article, I'll cover five of the top problems ordinary men face. If these sound familiar to you, you might be interested in learning more about becoming an exceptional man.

1. Ordinary men don't get enough attention. The ordinary man feels ignored by his woman much of the time. She spends a lot of time on her phone and on Facebook and then "lets" him spend time with her. But she doesn't show a lot of spark. She just assumes he'll be there. It's usually only when she's fighting with him that she fully engages with her man.

2. Ordinary men don't get enough affection. The ordinary man does a lot for his woman and feels like he doesn't get a lot back. The relationship feels unfair and unbalanced for him. He's always having to ask for his needs to get met. It's no position for a man to be in.

3. Ordinary men don't get enough sex. An ordinary man's woman is tired and stressed a lot. She never seems to be in the mood. And she seems to think that he is too sex-focused. She accuses him of using her for sex and only wanting her body. She may have caught him looking at porn and this only reinforced her view point, but the truth is he'd much rather have sex with her if she were willing.

4. Ordinary men are neck deep in drama. The only time anything gets interesting in the ordinary man's relationship is when he fights with his woman. And they seem to fight about everything. She has a very skewed idea of who he is and reads into everything he says or does.
 This leads to lots and lots of drama and lots and lots of work if he wants to address even the simplest issue that might come up. And he often just lets her win the fight just to keep the peace. He might justify this by saying: "You gotta pick your battles."

5. The ordinary man feels a lack of respect, trust and just basic softness from his woman. She acts like her Facebook friends are more interesting and funny than him. He finds her attention drifting when he talks to her about his plans. He sometimes feels like he's trying to prove himself to her. She sometimes acts like he is supposed to make her happy and that he's not doing his job so why should she do hers?

If any or all of these sound like you, you owe it to yourself to start planning a personal reinvention around what you want and deserve in your life and relationship. Which is just what I did.

                

                        We All Need Space

"Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are." John Wooden

Needing space is not always about the living area. At times we need a break from certain people. We may love them and care about them but we need a break from them. By recognizing this important fact, we can keep a distance when necessary and not only maintain a relationship but have no guilt. When we attend to others we have a feeling of duty to be at their disposal. Maybe this is feasible some of the time. It is impossible to achieve all of the time. Admitting our own needs and responsibilities may alleviate the anxious feelings we have when we can't always solve other people's problems. Having empathy does not mean we can't say no. At times we must say no at least for that moment. At a later date we may be able to fulfill another's need but not at the present time.

We all feel overwhelmed with duty. Our thoughts say if you love this person you will find the time or find a way to help them with a difficulty. The end result is a total depletion of our own energy and spirit. This is not good. We need to maintain our own spirits in order to be of service to others. Maybe if we admitted we couldn't take on a duty, it might be helpful to the person if they were required to do it for themselves. They may need to be able to gain confidence in their own ability. We may be completely unaware that we are creating a dependency. Even our elderly parents must acknowledge that our lives are important and deserve attention. I am not suggesting neglect but pacing.

I don't believe others are aware of the burdens they place on us. At the same time it is up to us to be alert to what we can and can't do. By all means help others right away if it is within your power and you are up to the challenge. If your energy level is already diminished then refrain from making any more commitments. Unless your family or friend is in crisis mode, save the job for another day or allow them to garner help from another person.

The guilt of not being able to be at the disposal for another individual can overtake our logic and reason. Some of us believe we will not be loved if we don't accommodate others whenever they ask. We can't win love in this way. Our spouses, parents, siblings, friends and co-workers should step back and expect to compromise. The options might be a later date for the job to be performed or maybe the hiring of another person to do the job. Our bodies and minds need time to adjust and settle down after a long day. It may be a perfect time for the person requesting aid but a less than perfect time for us to accomplish the task.

We can't feel guilty when we say no to requests. Dismiss any thoughts that the person in need will stop caring for us because we replied in the negative. A doormat gets used up quickly and tossed in the rubbish. When it begins to fray and spreads bristles, out it goes. Likewise we will also stretch bend and break. At that point we will be angry bitter exhausted and vengeful. This holds true for any relationship that is demanding and without empathy. Who cares if the rubbish or light bulb waits an extra week? The multitudes of tasks we deem so important are really irrelevant in the scheme of life. It seems more reasonable to ask another to visit for coffee and a chat. Release burdens others have created for you.

Being a people pleaser has more to do with our need for keeping love and maintaining a relationship. Even when we have no stamina left we attempt to please others when asked. We want the approval even at the price of our own welfare. Neither guilt nor ego should prod us into wearing ourselves thin. It is important to maintain our mind and body. We don't have to be constantly manipulated by others. It is wonderful to be kind helpful and caring but we can't forsake our own needs. In order to be a contributing compassionate person, we can help others when possible within reason and without ulterior motives. Leave our guilt and duty behind and when we need rest simply say maybe later.

                 Relationships: Why Do Some People Sabotage Healthy Relationships?

To have a relationship that is healthy and functional is something that most people want in this world. Now, for some people this is reality and for others; this is often nothing more than a good idea and something that eludes them.

And while there are people who have fulfilling relationships and others who want them; there is also another dynamic that goes on. These are people who may develop a relationship with someone or meet another person who is appropriate and who treats them well, and yet the relationship doesn't last.

Conscious Intention

On the surface, one may have the need to be with another person that appreciates, respects and values who they are. However, although this is what is going on at a conscious level, there is a clear difference between what is actually happening in one's life.

One is aware of what they need, but this is having very little impact on one achieving that which they truly desire - a fulfilling relationship.

What's Showing Up?

It is often said that if one wants to understand what's going on at a deeper level and all that is out of conscious awareness - one should look at their behaviour. And aside from ones behaviour, is what is showing up in one's life and the kind of relationships that one is attracting.

For the person that sabotages a healthy relationship or the chance of having one: it is clear that something is out of alignment.

Different Stages

What will make a big difference here is now aware someone is of what is going on. While for some, this may be a process that goes on out of their awareness; for others this will be all too clear.

If this process is not known, one is likely to feel frustrated, angry and powerless. And even if it is known this, can still be experienced. But for the person that is aware, it will likely include a sense of hope that it can be different.

However, if one is in a position to attract someone who is functional in the first place, it may be as sign that they are fairly aware already.

Attraction

One of the big challenges here for people who sabotage functional relationships is that what they say they want is not necessarily what they are attracted to. On one side they can describe the person they want and yet emotionally this is not pressing their buttons.

And so even if they meet or end up with the type of person that they say they want; the all important attraction element is missing. The interesting thing about attraction is that what one can be attracted to, is not always functional or healthy.

Reasons

The mind may come up with different reasons as to why this is. These will often be rationalisations or justifications and other defence mechanisms that the ego mind will use as a way for one to stay in their head and to avoid what is really going on for them.

As a result of the ego mind, these could then create the following 'reasons': that one finds the other person to be boring; that they have nothing in common or that they don't have 'feelings' for them. One may have the awareness to see that while they do find the other person to be right, there is internal resistance taking place.

Questioning Attraction

Attraction is often seen as something positive and what happens when one meets someone who is right for them. And yet for people who have been attracted to someone who latter went on to abuse them or take advantage of them; it becomes clear that being attracted to someone is not always a sign of compatibility.

So on one side, one feel say that they are not attracted to someone who is right for them and on the other side feel attracted to people who they later find to be abusive and inappropriate.

Now consciously, this can make very little sense. If one is attracted to someone then it feels natural to go with it and to not resist the desire that is being created.

The Main Challenge

Although this process may feel right and the body may crave this person; it doesn't mean that this will lead to a functional or a fulfilling relationship. And one of the biggest reasons for this is that what is classed as attractive is what is often classed as familiar.

Now, the ego mind creates associations of what is safe around what is familiar. This is usually through repetition or it could be due to an experience that was traumatic and through the intensity of it, it became interpreted as familiar.

And what is classed as familiar can be functional, healthy and fulfilling and it can also be dysfunctional, unhealthy and unfulfilling. So if the ego mind has come to associate certain behaviour and experiences as familiar and therefore safe, these will be what one is attracted to.

The body can then crave to be around people who are not right for them and also cause one to feel withdrawal symptoms if they are not around them; similar to how a drug addict will feel without their regular dose.

Possible Causes

The childhood years are often cited as being where one will form their associations of what they are attracted to and what they are not. And as these years are so powerful in shaping who one is and how one will see the world; it is not much of a surprise.

And as the caregiver that one has during this time is not always functional or healthy, it can set one up to be attracted to unhealthy people. The ego mind doesn't say 'this is not healthy or functional, so I'm not accepting this', all it can do it create associations of familiarity around what is happening.

The experiences that one has in latter life can build on what happened in ones childhood years. So one can then end up creating a greater tolerance for abusive relationships; as a result of the early wounds that were created. And then it could be that due to certain adult traumas, one become vulnerable to unhealthy relationships.

Awareness

When it comes to attracting someone who is right, it is important that one feels together internally. If one feels that part of them wants one thing and yet another part of them wants something else; it is a sign that letting go needs to occur.

Being aware of this is the first thing and the next stage is to do something about it. For some people it may be enough to read about this or to speak to a trusted friend. And for others, healing or therapy will be needed.