This is the most exciting part of online dating (as after this, hopefully you'll be meeting in person). How you make first contact or reply to someone else approaching you can make or break your chances. Each contact needs as much thought as the rest of your profile, and needs to continue and enhance your branding.
Here are some general tips on how to make the first contact.
1. Keep it short and light. Making first contact is just to introduce yourself and spark a bit of interest - not where you beg her to sleep with you. If your communication is too long, she'll either skim it or not read it at all. With a short and positive message, you'll get a much better response rate.
2. Please make sure you have read her profile all the way through first! I have been contacted by guys who clearly have only looked at my photo and couldn't be bothered reading anything. This is insulting and immediately writes them off in my book. It is usually clear they haven't read my profile because they are asking completely irrelevant things. To make it clear you're not one of those guys, try to refer to one thing in her profile in your message.
3. Make each message unique. It should be tailored specifically to the person you are sending it to. It is pretty obvious if it is generic, and once again is just insulting. Even if you are sending out a few messages a day, you should always be interested in each individual person for some reason, so focus on that.
4. Finish with a question. Remember, you are opening a dialogue, so you need to give her something she can actually reply to. This is something you need to do all the way through your email conversations. Always give her something to reply to, or she might not reply.
5. Try strong, positive, emotional words. The study by Rosen et al. (2008) found that messages with strong emotional words such as 'excited' and 'wonderful' had more positive impressions than those with weaker emotional words such as 'happy' and 'fine'. Just don't go over the top.
If you are not sure about your messages ... keep split testing! Try wording your messages differently and see which gives you a better response. Keep track of the types of messages that get the best response, and see if you can improve on those.
Keep in mind that you won't always get a response. Don't take this personally; you don't know what is happening in their life, what bad experiences they are going through online, or what they are really looking for. Just try to strike up conversations. Holding down a conversation for a few weeks with a girl might be better than anything you've done for a long time. Set yourself up for lots of little wins, rather than for big fails. If you can go on a few dates, that would be great! Don't get upset if they just turn into friendships, because more friendships with females will help you to develop the social skills you need when you finally meet someone who could be more.
Here are some general tips on how to make the first contact.
1. Keep it short and light. Making first contact is just to introduce yourself and spark a bit of interest - not where you beg her to sleep with you. If your communication is too long, she'll either skim it or not read it at all. With a short and positive message, you'll get a much better response rate.
2. Please make sure you have read her profile all the way through first! I have been contacted by guys who clearly have only looked at my photo and couldn't be bothered reading anything. This is insulting and immediately writes them off in my book. It is usually clear they haven't read my profile because they are asking completely irrelevant things. To make it clear you're not one of those guys, try to refer to one thing in her profile in your message.
3. Make each message unique. It should be tailored specifically to the person you are sending it to. It is pretty obvious if it is generic, and once again is just insulting. Even if you are sending out a few messages a day, you should always be interested in each individual person for some reason, so focus on that.
4. Finish with a question. Remember, you are opening a dialogue, so you need to give her something she can actually reply to. This is something you need to do all the way through your email conversations. Always give her something to reply to, or she might not reply.
5. Try strong, positive, emotional words. The study by Rosen et al. (2008) found that messages with strong emotional words such as 'excited' and 'wonderful' had more positive impressions than those with weaker emotional words such as 'happy' and 'fine'. Just don't go over the top.
If you are not sure about your messages ... keep split testing! Try wording your messages differently and see which gives you a better response. Keep track of the types of messages that get the best response, and see if you can improve on those.
Keep in mind that you won't always get a response. Don't take this personally; you don't know what is happening in their life, what bad experiences they are going through online, or what they are really looking for. Just try to strike up conversations. Holding down a conversation for a few weeks with a girl might be better than anything you've done for a long time. Set yourself up for lots of little wins, rather than for big fails. If you can go on a few dates, that would be great! Don't get upset if they just turn into friendships, because more friendships with females will help you to develop the social skills you need when you finally meet someone who could be more.
About the Author:
For more great advice on how to present yourself online, see "The Nice Guy's Guide To Online Dating Profiles" on Amazon: Nice Guy's Guide To Online Dating on Amazon
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