Everyone,
at least once in their lives, have experienced getting into a relationship.
When you are in a healthy relationship, both individuals support each other,
sharing the good times and helping or supporting each other through the tough
times. When someone matters deeply to you, and those feelings of trust and
respect are returned, it enables us to face the world with confidence. Building
and maintaining a healthy relationship needs commitment from both sides to make
their partnership work. But it is truly worth all the effort because when you
are in a good relationship, you feel good about your boyfriend or girlfriend,
and you also feel good about yourself.
Not
all relationships work that way no matter how much we might want them to. When
there is violence, the relationship can become really destructive which can
make it both physically and emotionally dangerous. Abuse can be physical, emotional, or sexual.
Slapping, hitting, and kicking are forms of physical abuse that can occur in
both romances and friendships. Emotional abuse, like teasing, bullying, and
humiliating others can be difficult to recognize because it doesn't leave any
visible scars. Threats, intimidation, putdowns, and betrayal are all harmful
forms of emotional abuse that can really hurt not just during the time it's
happening, but long after too. Sometimes, abusive relationships are easy to
identify because some of the abuse may be very subtle. In general, abusive
relationships have a serious power imbalance, with the abuser controlling or
attempting to control most aspects of life.
While
appearing to be powerful, abusive individuals are often very dependent upon
their partners for their sense of self-esteem. Sometimes they expect their
partners to take care of day to day tasks which most adults handle for
themselves. Abusive partners often feel powerless in the larger world. The relationship may be the only place where they
feel a sense of power. Attacking their partner's abilities or sense of self-worth
is one way that abusive individuals maintain a sense of power, esteem, and
control. At a deep emotional level, abusers often feels that they are not good
enough and fear abandonment. By keeping their partners in a fearful or
dependent state, they attempt to ensure that their partners will not leave
them.
However,
there are positive steps for coping with an abusive relationship such as:
· Maintaining outside relationships and
avoiding isolation.
· Seeking “reality checks” by talking
to others if you suspect that your partner has been abusive.
· Learning about resources available to
people in abusive relationships.
· Identifying a “safe place” you can go to in an emergency if
your partner becomes threatening or violent.
· Reading self-help books about healthy
and unhealthy relationships.
· Seeking professional counseling or
talking to someone you trust to help you sort through the issues that may be
keeping you in an abusive relationship.
· Begin to develop a support system, so
that if you choose to leave the relationship, you will not be alone.
Remember,
abuse has no place in love. If a person made you feel inadequate, useless and
fearful then it already may be the time to escape the abusive relationship.
Studies show that people with healthy relationships really do have more
happiness and less stress than those in an abusive relationship. One should
know that abuse and violence is not acceptable in any kind of relationship, if
you know from your heart of hearts that you have to get out of the abusive
relationship, seek help and leave the relationship and re-live your life!
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