you might not be aware of it,
but various fears and needs might control your attitudes about partners and
relationships, as well as your emotions, reactions and behaviors while in a
relationship.
relationship.
Which fears and needs might
control you and lead you to sabotage your relationships?
* You might be controlled by the
fear of being alone, which drives you to seek a relationship with whomever
seek you out, regardless of whether this person is a suitable partner for you
or not.
* Or you might be driven by the
fear of commitment, which drives you to run from one relationship to
another without having the courage to settle down with one partner.
* Or you might be controlled
by the fear of abandonment, which drives you to be too needy and
desperate in your search for a partner, driving you to behave in ways which
suffocate your partners and push them to run away from you.
* Or you might be controlled
by the fear of intimacy and/or of being hurt, which drive you to
distance yourself - emotionally and/or physically - from your potential
partner, to nor share of yourself and build a wall around you, behaviors which
harm the bond.
*Or you might be controlled by
the need for control and power (which also involves the need to always
be "right"), which drives you to behave in such ways which cause
constant conflicts and arguments between you and your partners and eventually
drive them away from you.
* Or you might be controlled
by an excessive need to be loved, which drives you to be too submissive
within a relationship, to never voice your true wishes, to always "be
there" for your partner at the expense of being true to yourself - which
eventually causes you to feel too much anger, frustration and disappointment.
Why aren't you aware of your
fears and needs?
The reason being: you have
been "living" with them for such a long time that they have become an
integral part of you.
Whether you have developed
these fears and needs in your childhood or not - due to your interactions with
your parents and other siblings - is not important at this point. What is
important is that these fears and needs have driven you to develop patterns of
emotions, reactions and behaviors, which became your "second nature",
which now lead you to sabotage your attempts at relationships. However, even
though these patterns control you and repeat themselves time and again in your
relationships, you are not aware of them. Therefore, you can not realize how
you need to combat them and what to change.
Consequently, as you begin
once again a new relationship you resort - unconsciously - to same reactions
and behaviors you have been used to with your previous partners, and fail
again, just like you have failed in the past. Not being aware, it is likely that
you will continue behaving the same with yet another new relationship, and with
the following ones as well.
Developing awareness is the
means to realizing your needs and fears
Since such fears and needs
often control you without you being aware of them, the only way possible to
combat them and change is by first becoming aware. This means, learning to
observe yourself, to look inwards, to being open to acknowledge and accept the
fears and needs which exert power over you. Self-observation coupled with the
courage to look inwards are therefore the ways to get in touch with whichever
fears and needs control you, and become able to de-activate the power they
exert over you. You will then be able to approach partners and relationships in
a manner which will enable you to develop the relationship you are looking for.
No comments:
Post a Comment