Respect. Aretha Franklin sung
about it and the word makes the world turn round. It's there when a customer
shows politeness in a shop and when a politician grants equal rights. From the
boyfriend who turns up on time, to the boss who doesn't trash you in front of
others. Whether the words or actions are big or small, life is wonderful when
we have respect and bad when it's missing.
A lack of respect from someone
in our personal life, a stranger or anyone else is often a deal breaker.
Arguments, splits, depression, zero self-esteem and unhappiness are just a few
of the consequences. Wars have been started for less important reasons.
Everyone experiences a lack of
respect at some point. Even the most happy and confident person will recall a
time when their buttons were pressed. But sometimes, people find disrespect is
a regular occurrence. At worst, it's possible to feel like a permanent magnet
for bullying, harassment and abuse.
Although there is no magic
wand to fix this problem, there are things a person can do to improve matters.
Think of someone you know who seems to get a lot of respect. You will notice
the way they conduct themselves in life seems to inspire good treatment from
others. By copying this behavior it is possible to get a piece of this for
yourself.
By practicing the following
things, it is likely you will experience some improvement in your situation:
Act like you respect yourself
This is a big deal. If you act
like you don't care about yourself, it sends out the message to others that any
amount of dirt is OK with you. Don't get too drunk, degrade yourself, sleep
around or neglect your health. Take care of your appearance and keep your home
clean. This doesn't mean you have to live like a nun or dress in designer
clothes. But a small amount of effort in this department won't just make you
feel better, but it will show the world what you are worth.
Stop putting yourself down
Even if you have low
self-esteem, it's important not to openly put yourself down or keep apologizing
for yourself in front of other people. When someone hears you highlighting your
own flaws, it draws attention to these imperfections. It also gives consent for
them to say bad things about you as well. If you owe someone an apology, say
sorry once. Don't beg for forgiveness or seek another's approval. With a bit of
practice, breaking this habit can make a lot of difference to how others see
you.
Don't hang around negative
people
If you hang around with
someone who puts you down and treats you badly, especially in front of others,
it sends out the message you are happy to be treated like this. This gives a
green light for other people to disrespect you as well. It's almost like a
problem which multiplies on itself. It's better to go to the cinema yourself
with your head held high, than attract this negative attention.
Learn what being treated well
looks like
This sounds obvious, but if
someone is used to bad treatment, it can be difficult to recognize what is
acceptable in life. Study other people who seem to get respect and learn what
good and bad treatment looks like, even if you learn it from a TV show. This
makes it easier to develop standards.
Learn to set boundaries
This can be hard, especially
if we want to be a tolerant and understanding person. But you should have a
line people aren't allowed to cross. Even write down what your boundaries are
and pin them on the bathroom mirror until you can automatically recognize when
someone has gone too far.
Deal with things when they
happen
When someone disrespects you,
it is important to stop the behavior as soon as possible. It is difficult to
address things once the moment has passed. Waiting makes it easier for the
other person to deny things or minimize the situation. This can be difficult in
social gatherings. If you can, quietly take them aside to address the issue,
get help from another person or simply say "I won't be treated like
this" and leave quietly in protest. Don't let other people see you settle
for bad treatment.
Be firm and keep your cool
Learning to address issues in
an assertive manner is important. In life in general, send out good body
language. Hold your head up high and speak firmly and calmly. Don't sound weak,
whiny or aggressive. If you lose your temper, you are losing control on the
situation and will probably get accused of being aggressive. There are many
books and websites with information about assertiveness. It is also possible to
take classes to help with this issue.
Stop trying to please people
Kindness is a very likable
trait. Sometimes, it's easy to fall into the trap of trying to please other
people with the belief that it will make them like or respect you. People which
know you just because you're being "nice", don't like you as a
person, they just like the things you do. Hang around with people who like you
for the person you are. If you can't lend them money, are too tired to go out
or can't give them a lift, they will be cool with things and still want to know
you.
Choose the people in your life
You can't choose your family,
but you can choose your friends and life partner. When you associate with
someone, don't worry about whether they like you. Instead, think about whether
you like them. Shop around and find people you like and respect. Make sure they
are with you for the same reasons. Avoid people who are just hanging around
with you because of loneliness, convenience or to get stuff. You deserve a
lot better than this.
Use help available to you
Don't be afraid to seek out
support when trying to get more respect. This can be anything from sharing
things with a caring friend or counselor, contacting a domestic abuse team, or
talking to the HR department if someone in the workplace is being difficult.
Most of the time, people will be very happy to help you.
Learn to tell the difference
between constructive criticism and unfair comments
There is no such thing as a
perfect human being. You are included in this. And guess what? You have the
same right as everyone else to make mistakes and have flaws. Sometimes, it's
possible to be so used to mistreatment, when people make valid comments, we get
defensive and feel victimized instead of addressing an issue. This can stop
personal growth and interfere with positive relationships. Sometimes, a person
can be completely innocent in situations. But most of the time, all parties
involved in a conflict contribute to the situation. Automatically assuming the
role of "victim", instead of admitting to mistakes will give you a
reputation of being self-righteous and difficult to know.
Believe you deserve the best.
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