What Does Unconditional Love Look Like?
Self-Love
This is probably the most important. Love yourself. By loving yourself, you will know deeply who you are. Accept every bit of you, even the obstacles or shadow parts of you that you've been repressing. This may be painful at first, but airing it out and sitting with the darkness brings in light. And when I say painful, I mean mentally exhausting. Dealing with certain parts of you often manifests in life through people you love as catalysts or uncomfortable emotions.
Be mindful of yourself and watch how it will blossom. I will explain how you can be with yourself and enjoy your own company.
Typically in meditation, I will sit and be aware of my body. Watch sensations going on in the body and just allow them to be as they are. Like a gentlemen (or woman) watching a very riveting film. Pay great attention to the tensions as well as the gentle nature of the breath, warmth, and coolness of different body parts. I also become mindful of the body as a whole.
No effort will go into trying to control any one thing in the body. Just enjoy the natural processes going on in the body and how delightful the process really is.
Throughout the day this is what it can look like. During a drive, noticing what feelings, emotions, and thoughts are going on and adding as much effort as it takes to not impose "your will" on what is being thought or stirring any emotion one way or another. Just letting things play out without having to react to them (this doesn't mean to not respond however, or you might get into an accident in this incidence of driving a car.) This may seem counter intuitive (add effort) but a small amount is necessary in the beginning. Later it becomes effortless.
Letting Go
Letting go is an important part of this growing process. It means to be able to drop your idea of someone. To see that this person is in flux just like everything else, they are always going to be in a constant state of change.
A river keeps on flowing and you never step in the same river twice. It will always be different because the flow of water will keep on flowing.
The same is true for the person you are relating to, so why go on treating each other as if nothing ever changes? So let go of past ideas of people, and allow them to show you who they are from moment to moment. Letting go is the moment to moment process.
This letting go process includes the letting go of expectation of an outcome as well. By having an expectation of someone, you bring up the mental checklist again. And this becomes a hindrance to meeting someone where they are and seeing them truly for who they are.
Freedom
Dropping your ideas of them allows them the freedom to be who they are and to act in a way that is authentic to them. Do not impose limitations on anyone, as you're only restricting ways in which you can relate to them.
By restricting one, you restrict yourself. If the other becomes interested in someone else, let them be happy with that other person. Love them by letting go.
Also freedom means, giving that other person the space they deserve. There isn't a need to be overwhelming. If you are working on self-contentedness, giving not only yourself space to do be who you are, but giving the other space is beneficial to relating just in general.
Acceptance
Accepting how you are and feel from moment to moment. Through accepting, you will be able to see the possibility of change. Without accepting, there will always be a resistance to change even if you know it is for the better.
For example, jealousy can't be let go of unless it is seen inside. The same goes for such things as possessiveness, anger, control, etc. By accepting even the shadow, is the opportunity to respond and to work on non-reaction.
So this means dropping the limitations that you have placed on yourself. As you drop your limitations of yourself you will start to see that you will begin to drop your limitation of the other. Start un-programming yourself of things that others have told you, about you. They are not necessarily true and may be causing an inner struggle. By accepting you, you will be able to now see what parts are not ultimately you or may be stagnant and not causing growth.
So Here Is The Practical Run Down
· Love yourself first. You are responsible for loving you, they are not.
· Accept who you are. With acceptance, comes the potential for transformation.
· Let go of your idea of the other you are relating to from moment to moment.
· Give them the freedom to be who they are without imposing on them who they should or shouldn't be.
This is probably the most important. Love yourself. By loving yourself, you will know deeply who you are. Accept every bit of you, even the obstacles or shadow parts of you that you've been repressing. This may be painful at first, but airing it out and sitting with the darkness brings in light. And when I say painful, I mean mentally exhausting. Dealing with certain parts of you often manifests in life through people you love as catalysts or uncomfortable emotions.
Be mindful of yourself and watch how it will blossom. I will explain how you can be with yourself and enjoy your own company.
Typically in meditation, I will sit and be aware of my body. Watch sensations going on in the body and just allow them to be as they are. Like a gentlemen (or woman) watching a very riveting film. Pay great attention to the tensions as well as the gentle nature of the breath, warmth, and coolness of different body parts. I also become mindful of the body as a whole.
No effort will go into trying to control any one thing in the body. Just enjoy the natural processes going on in the body and how delightful the process really is.
Throughout the day this is what it can look like. During a drive, noticing what feelings, emotions, and thoughts are going on and adding as much effort as it takes to not impose "your will" on what is being thought or stirring any emotion one way or another. Just letting things play out without having to react to them (this doesn't mean to not respond however, or you might get into an accident in this incidence of driving a car.) This may seem counter intuitive (add effort) but a small amount is necessary in the beginning. Later it becomes effortless.
Letting Go
Letting go is an important part of this growing process. It means to be able to drop your idea of someone. To see that this person is in flux just like everything else, they are always going to be in a constant state of change.
A river keeps on flowing and you never step in the same river twice. It will always be different because the flow of water will keep on flowing.
The same is true for the person you are relating to, so why go on treating each other as if nothing ever changes? So let go of past ideas of people, and allow them to show you who they are from moment to moment. Letting go is the moment to moment process.
This letting go process includes the letting go of expectation of an outcome as well. By having an expectation of someone, you bring up the mental checklist again. And this becomes a hindrance to meeting someone where they are and seeing them truly for who they are.
Freedom
Dropping your ideas of them allows them the freedom to be who they are and to act in a way that is authentic to them. Do not impose limitations on anyone, as you're only restricting ways in which you can relate to them.
By restricting one, you restrict yourself. If the other becomes interested in someone else, let them be happy with that other person. Love them by letting go.
Also freedom means, giving that other person the space they deserve. There isn't a need to be overwhelming. If you are working on self-contentedness, giving not only yourself space to do be who you are, but giving the other space is beneficial to relating just in general.
Acceptance
Accepting how you are and feel from moment to moment. Through accepting, you will be able to see the possibility of change. Without accepting, there will always be a resistance to change even if you know it is for the better.
For example, jealousy can't be let go of unless it is seen inside. The same goes for such things as possessiveness, anger, control, etc. By accepting even the shadow, is the opportunity to respond and to work on non-reaction.
So this means dropping the limitations that you have placed on yourself. As you drop your limitations of yourself you will start to see that you will begin to drop your limitation of the other. Start un-programming yourself of things that others have told you, about you. They are not necessarily true and may be causing an inner struggle. By accepting you, you will be able to now see what parts are not ultimately you or may be stagnant and not causing growth.
So Here Is The Practical Run Down
· Love yourself first. You are responsible for loving you, they are not.
· Accept who you are. With acceptance, comes the potential for transformation.
· Let go of your idea of the other you are relating to from moment to moment.
· Give them the freedom to be who they are without imposing on them who they should or shouldn't be.
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