Tell Me More
A powerful sentence that makes others feel that you are truly
'Listening'. It connects you with others on a very deep emotional level.
Your spouse, boss, clients, friends, and even strangers sense that you
understand them on a very deep emotional level.
Psychiatrists use this sentence on their patients.
Psychologists use this sentence on hostage takers.
Investigators use this sentence on terrorists.
This sentence has such a power that pulls people towards you. People feel that you are deeply interested in their every word, every feeling, and every emotion. They think you are their best friend, and the most understanding person of this planet.
2+2=5
"Yes darling, you are right. 2+2=5. I agree with you. Tell me more... "
Use this strategy, and end conflicts of your relationship immediately. Yes. Immediately. When your partner is angry or depress, just use this strategy, even if you feel that his words and ideas are not reasonable. It doesn't matter you agree or not. You just need to make him feel that you are truly listening to him, and you feel what he's feeling.
What most couples do during conflicts? They take out AK 47 guns and point at each other. Birds stop chirping, neighbors run for their lives, and a romantic movie starts to look like a horror movie within few seconds.
Husband feels like she doesn't love him. Wife feels like he doesn't care about her. Children feel like where the hell we have been trapped.
There is a Reason
There is always a reason behind conflicts. If he's fighting with you on a stupid, little thing, or if he's provoking you with his weird habits, then think what's causing him to act in this way before jumping into conclusions. You will always find a reason behind his anger, bad-mood, depression, or weirdness.
Whatever is the reason, it doesn't matter. The thing that matters is, he wants to be heard. He wants you to agree with him, at least for that moment, and assure him that you are always with him, no matter what.
Don't give him the road of resistance, instead, give him the road of sloppiness. Counterarguments, disagreements, and yelling are the roads of resistance. They help the other person to move away.
On the other hand, listening, agreements, hugs, and smiles are the roads of sloppiness. When he tries to move away, the sloppiness of the road always slip him towards you... Eventually, he opens his heart, shares his feelings, and gets happy that he's got the most understanding companion, and he's in the most beautiful relationship.
My friend, Sherlyn, is the most famous relationship counselor in her town. Now, obviously, there are other famous relationship counselors too. But, I was interested to ask that how she forms true friendships? Why couples keep on sending her gifts after visiting her once? Why famous, rich people invite her on special occasions? And, how she earns much more than other relationship counselors of the town?
I agree. I asked her these questions through business point of view. But, she told me some wonderful things which utterly associate with relationships & communication. It was a wonderful discovery, and I was impressed by her techniques and step-by-step strategies.
She told me that she has a certain set of questions. The questions which assure the other person that you are not only listening intently but also understanding their core feelings very well.
This strategy automatically puts you closer to their heart. They start sharing things with you, they start giving you gifts, they start inviting you on special occasions, and they start taking advices from you time and time again. You become a very special person for them.
Below are her questions which she uses in almost every interaction.
1. "Why are you so upset/angry/happy/lost? What's so special?"
This question is the weakest brick of the strongest wall. Once you pull out that brick, the whole wall crumbles. It also helps you to prove that there is something special which no one else notice but only you. These questions work well with strangers too - especially, if you are eager to make new contacts, or new friends.
2. "I want to know. What happened? And then?"
It shows your interest and display that you are intently listening
3. "Yes. You are right. Then?"
It makes the other person feel that you are standing on his side, and he's not alone.
4. "Now what is your plan? What part can I play to help you?"
That's how you express your enthusiasm for the welfare of others. You practically involve yourself in the situation, and compel the other person to feel that you are the most important part of his life. He can trust you fully, and he can talk to you freely. You exceed his expectations and take more steps ahead than his friends, and evince yourself as the most loyal, special person.
5. "Let's meet tomorrow and solve things... "
It helps you to spend more time with him. The more you spend time with him, the more he shares his secrets with you. You both reach each other on emotional levels and start celebrating successes and events together.
Don't Interrupt
Give him the freedom to say every single word. Ask about each and everything. Let him tell you what he wants. Let him tell you what he's planning to do. If there is 100% to say, make him say 110%. And, assure him that you are with him all the time.
Don't think about interrupting him when he is taking out his feelings in the form words. Because, this can be expensive. Most of the women, and men too, try to slather their partner's feelings with their own thinking... Consequently, destructive misunderstanding starts to emerge or battle occurs right at the spot.
Mostly we interrupt the other person when we feel that he is going to impose the wrong decisions. If this is your problem too, and if your man mostly imposes wrong decisions in anger, don't worry about it. Just let him speak, support his feelings, and agree with his words.
After a few hours, or after a few days, his bad feelings will melt down. His emotions of love will return. His logical mind will start to work, and he will begin to think what's right and what's wrong. 99 percent of the time, he will replace his wrong decisions with the right ones.
In case, you feel that he's still standing on the wrong decisions. Just tell him what you feel about his decisions. Tell him the disadvantages of it. Give him logical reasons. Show him the other right path... He will listen to you and agree with you.
Just don't try to change his decisions, and don't try to correct him when he's speaking out his feelings. In fact, hug him, kiss him, and say, "Tell Me More".
Let him collect himself first, and let him come into the ecstatic state. After that, it's your time to play the card...
Psychiatrists use this sentence on their patients.
Psychologists use this sentence on hostage takers.
Investigators use this sentence on terrorists.
This sentence has such a power that pulls people towards you. People feel that you are deeply interested in their every word, every feeling, and every emotion. They think you are their best friend, and the most understanding person of this planet.
2+2=5
"Yes darling, you are right. 2+2=5. I agree with you. Tell me more... "
Use this strategy, and end conflicts of your relationship immediately. Yes. Immediately. When your partner is angry or depress, just use this strategy, even if you feel that his words and ideas are not reasonable. It doesn't matter you agree or not. You just need to make him feel that you are truly listening to him, and you feel what he's feeling.
What most couples do during conflicts? They take out AK 47 guns and point at each other. Birds stop chirping, neighbors run for their lives, and a romantic movie starts to look like a horror movie within few seconds.
Husband feels like she doesn't love him. Wife feels like he doesn't care about her. Children feel like where the hell we have been trapped.
There is a Reason
There is always a reason behind conflicts. If he's fighting with you on a stupid, little thing, or if he's provoking you with his weird habits, then think what's causing him to act in this way before jumping into conclusions. You will always find a reason behind his anger, bad-mood, depression, or weirdness.
Whatever is the reason, it doesn't matter. The thing that matters is, he wants to be heard. He wants you to agree with him, at least for that moment, and assure him that you are always with him, no matter what.
Don't give him the road of resistance, instead, give him the road of sloppiness. Counterarguments, disagreements, and yelling are the roads of resistance. They help the other person to move away.
On the other hand, listening, agreements, hugs, and smiles are the roads of sloppiness. When he tries to move away, the sloppiness of the road always slip him towards you... Eventually, he opens his heart, shares his feelings, and gets happy that he's got the most understanding companion, and he's in the most beautiful relationship.
My friend, Sherlyn, is the most famous relationship counselor in her town. Now, obviously, there are other famous relationship counselors too. But, I was interested to ask that how she forms true friendships? Why couples keep on sending her gifts after visiting her once? Why famous, rich people invite her on special occasions? And, how she earns much more than other relationship counselors of the town?
I agree. I asked her these questions through business point of view. But, she told me some wonderful things which utterly associate with relationships & communication. It was a wonderful discovery, and I was impressed by her techniques and step-by-step strategies.
She told me that she has a certain set of questions. The questions which assure the other person that you are not only listening intently but also understanding their core feelings very well.
This strategy automatically puts you closer to their heart. They start sharing things with you, they start giving you gifts, they start inviting you on special occasions, and they start taking advices from you time and time again. You become a very special person for them.
Below are her questions which she uses in almost every interaction.
1. "Why are you so upset/angry/happy/lost? What's so special?"
This question is the weakest brick of the strongest wall. Once you pull out that brick, the whole wall crumbles. It also helps you to prove that there is something special which no one else notice but only you. These questions work well with strangers too - especially, if you are eager to make new contacts, or new friends.
2. "I want to know. What happened? And then?"
It shows your interest and display that you are intently listening
3. "Yes. You are right. Then?"
It makes the other person feel that you are standing on his side, and he's not alone.
4. "Now what is your plan? What part can I play to help you?"
That's how you express your enthusiasm for the welfare of others. You practically involve yourself in the situation, and compel the other person to feel that you are the most important part of his life. He can trust you fully, and he can talk to you freely. You exceed his expectations and take more steps ahead than his friends, and evince yourself as the most loyal, special person.
5. "Let's meet tomorrow and solve things... "
It helps you to spend more time with him. The more you spend time with him, the more he shares his secrets with you. You both reach each other on emotional levels and start celebrating successes and events together.
Don't Interrupt
Give him the freedom to say every single word. Ask about each and everything. Let him tell you what he wants. Let him tell you what he's planning to do. If there is 100% to say, make him say 110%. And, assure him that you are with him all the time.
Don't think about interrupting him when he is taking out his feelings in the form words. Because, this can be expensive. Most of the women, and men too, try to slather their partner's feelings with their own thinking... Consequently, destructive misunderstanding starts to emerge or battle occurs right at the spot.
Mostly we interrupt the other person when we feel that he is going to impose the wrong decisions. If this is your problem too, and if your man mostly imposes wrong decisions in anger, don't worry about it. Just let him speak, support his feelings, and agree with his words.
After a few hours, or after a few days, his bad feelings will melt down. His emotions of love will return. His logical mind will start to work, and he will begin to think what's right and what's wrong. 99 percent of the time, he will replace his wrong decisions with the right ones.
In case, you feel that he's still standing on the wrong decisions. Just tell him what you feel about his decisions. Tell him the disadvantages of it. Give him logical reasons. Show him the other right path... He will listen to you and agree with you.
Just don't try to change his decisions, and don't try to correct him when he's speaking out his feelings. In fact, hug him, kiss him, and say, "Tell Me More".
Let him collect himself first, and let him come into the ecstatic state. After that, it's your time to play the card...
"
Article Source:
http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Bill_A_Hamilton
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